From: Erykah Mistzi
To: Victoria Hayrabedian
Subject: RE: story

*****

I think you need to make them both suffer more. ;-)

Liz comes across as a bit whiney at first. The delay, the people on the train, the rain.. token irritations and all good but slightly whiney. Are they really a front for a greater irritation? The fact that something seems to be pulling her back to Basingstoke? Spike? Is she scared of going back? Why? Is it the guy? The place? A combination? Is she focusing on present irrations so she can avoid thinking about where she's going and why? Or is she just whiney? ;-)

She comes from Basingstoke originally but left sometime in the past........? Is that right?

B/Stoke is a black hole. Live here for too long and you get sucked into it perminantly. Rare people who get out REALLY hate coming back. It always feel like a backwards step when you arrive at the station. Like returning to a past you were trying to leave behind but that train always seems to lead back to where everything began. It's a powerful place. It's a crossroads on the main ley line that runs from underneath the Atlantic, through St Michaels Mount, past Glastonbury, past Stonehenge, all the way up to London and beyond. The town isn't famous for making anything, no one here does anything special but it's been a boom town - attracting money and people - since the Doomsday Book. Similiar in some ways to the Hellmouth, B/Stoke attracts with a promise of power but where the Hellmouth offers real power (even with a price) this place just catchs people and wont let go, like a big trap. Like a big battery charging up it's power with fresh souls. Sometimes the people walking the streets seem like zombies going through the motions of living. Okay, I'll stop. I'm freaking myself out. ;-)

What's Liz's relationship to Spike? Do you need to have read Homecoming to understand it because it's not altogether clear here. A little more mentioning of the obvious wouldn't hurt.

I know that you need to have seen certain episodes to really understand Spike's emotions at this moment and that being all from Liz's point of view means you can't connect to him completely but he suffers from being seen through her eyes. He seems a little flat. Could there be lightening as well as rain? Obvious trick. Question: Has he even noticed the weather? Is he uncomfortable in the rain? Is he having trouble walking in the mud? He falls on his knees... I know you want to mention Spike covered in wet mud. ;-)

Perhaps you could counterpoint how broken Spike seems now with a memory of how brilliant he seemed before. That would foreground their relationship and make a nice counterpoint. You allude to a lot of history between all of them. Why be so coy?! Spell a little bit of it out. Some memory that proves a point about Spike's strength, Angel's snobbiness and how Liz fits in between them. I know, that feels like giving away too much of the plot but I actually think it might make the air of mystery surrounding it seem deeper.

Is the place affecting Spike or is it just memories of Angel and Sunnydale? Has Angel ever been to this cemetery? Did anything happen here? A good memory for him that pulled him back here? Is he getting relief or greater pain by being here? He obviously came looking for something.. has he found it? I wasn't sure. That's probably a good thing. Why didn't he go to London? Is there something more here that he wants? Some power that could help him defeat Angel? He came to the graveyard to pay his respects but did he come to Basingstoke just for that reason? Is he just passing through? Is he plotting something? Perhaps the memory could have an obscure relationship to whatever it is that brought Spike back here...

The character of Liz doesn't come across as Mary Sue, she just needs a little more history to define her as part of the grander storyline. It all comes across as very centered in the present and yet Liz keeps thinking about the past in a 'skimming over it' sort of way.

As for the ending. Why doesn't she come out and speak to him? I don't want her to. I just want to know why she doesn't. Why doesn' t she follow him?

Now.... location (for grounding and to help stimulate ideas):

You can't get a train from Waterloo, via Basingstoke to Cardiff. You need to change at Exeter and then at Bristol Temple Meeds before you're even close. You can go from Waterloo, via Basingstoke to Salisbury, Poole, Exeter St Davids or Penzance. You might say

"Basingstoke, this is Basingstoke. We apologise for the late arrival of the 20:32 service from London Waterloo to Exeter St Davids. The train now standing on platform 2 is the 20:32 service to Exeter St Davids. Calling at Andover, Salisbury, Tisbury...."

8:32 because it's takes 45 mins from Waterloo. Even if it's delayed they announce the proper time. go figure!

BTW, Milton Keynes in the opposite direction *vbg* but the trains do go roughly towards Winchester. :-)

At that time of night, the station would be packed with commuters. Not so many heading into Basingstoke but many hurrying to catch a connecting train. We have 5 platforms go off to different places. Basingstoke's a crossroads. Literally. The old center of the town there actually is a crossroads. Has been for a thousand years.

The graveyard I'll take you to is actually called the Holy Ghost Graveyard. It's on a hill above and behind the train station. You can't see it from the track or the station. If you go the picturesque way, it's five mins walk from the station up a horribly steep but quite pretty (unless it's raining*g*) tree-lined hill. I describe the detail here because there is something much spookier and gothic about the place when approaching it on foot that way, especially in the rain. The first sign of it you see is an old church with a tall spire. More victorian gothic than medieval. If I remember right there are some iron gates, not quite as you described but close enough *g*

It's pretty at first glance. Like a park with wide grass clearings seperated by clumps of very old trees. It's only when you look again that you see the grass covered mounds and the gravestones. Nearer the entrance the graves are clearly defined but as you go in further it becomes more tumbled. Because it's quite high on a hillside, it's usually windy and a bit chilly. Then you see the ruins of the Trinity Chapel through the trees. Strange, stark and ghostly white. Like old bone. Half a building, a skeleton, with a complete tower at one end. It's got a certain something that makes you get closer to it. I think it's the tower that does it. The rest is a ruin, the tower is near perfect. It even has a door with a padlock on it. It's rumoured that there is a tunnel down there. There's tunnels underneath most of the town. They're 'service bays'. They were built in the sixties when they re-designed the town. It's damp, creepy and maze-like down there.

You keep walking towards it until you think to look down and see that you're standing on a wide path made of broken gravestones. On some you can clearly see the inscriptions. The graveyard has an impression of being huge but it isn't really. It's quite intimate in places. Huge oak trees with wide spreading branches.

But I'm babbling now.

All that's spliting hairs and trying to give you some ideas to flesh it out with. The stuff that's there is good, real good, it could just do with some substance. Listen to me! *incredulous laugh* The queen of a lack of detail is talking about adding substance! *giggle*

You know, if this is a teaser to make sure that I read Homecoming, then you're doing a good job. I'm curious now. :-)

Hugs,
Erykah

P.S. Have added some pics to aide inspiration. ;-)

[ ARCHIVIST'S NOTE: THE PICTURES ARE TEMPORARILY UNAVAILABLE]

p.p.s. the pic of the chapel: the graveyard is on the other side of the chapel. It is obscured by the trees but it is right there.