One thing that many fanfic writers fail to remember is that Spike is not, never has been, and never *will* be American. He is a Brit, right down to his muddy Doc Martens and his *almost* London accent. His clothes, being covered in another section, will not be examined here, but that distinctive accent - abrasive, but not unpleasantly so - will be analysed. Here is where you can learn to write for Spike. There, isn't that exciting? *g*

There is a marked difference between writing Giles' accent, and writing Spike's. For one thing, they come from different parts of the country. Giles' accent is very much British crisp - Oxford-bred accent, with just the tiniest edge on it from his 'Ripper' days. Spike's is street-talk all the way. The way things are said are more gutteral, more pronounced than Giles would say them - and thus, there must be a difference in the way they are written, as well.

First, the consonants must be covered. There are three types of consonants: the 'hard', emphasised ones; the'soft' ones that are pronounced but not emphasised, and the 'silent' ones that are swallowed and not said at all. Spike doesn't often swallow any consonants when he speaks, but it's easier to write him that way - and *if* he slipped into full-out street-talk, this is how it would sound. Okay? SO:

*B*loo*D*y 'ell - where B and D are pronounced, the 'L's are said softly, and the h is said not at all. Similarly,

*F*uckin' 'ell - where only the F is emphasised, the K is the soft consonant (K can also be the main 'hard consonant' in a word), and 'G' is the swallowed consonant.

Spike normally keeps his 'h' unless he's speaking quickly, in which case they're usually muted if not swallowed altogether. Then again, his accent isn't completely London - it has a curious lilt towards an almost Leeds accent. This, of course, is very difficult to write, so it's best to stick to a watered down version of a London accent.

In London accents, there are few common rules. The 'h' rule above is one of them. Also, in most words, if it's a verb, the end 'G' can be swallowed completely, as can the 'H' at the beginning of most nouns. If, however, you have a verb that begins with an 'H' and, obviously, ends with a 'G' (as in 'helping'), then you swallow the 'G', and keep the 'H'. You cannot swallow both the first and last consonants of a word.

Now that I've thoroughly confused you - let's run through the consonant alphabet. *g* Please note that these rules do *not* apply all of the time and to *all* speech. The worst thing you can do is convert all of your dialogue to a mangling of what it is meant to be, using this guide. This is meant to help you if you need Spike to drop a consonant somewhere, perhaps *once* a paragraph, and are not sure which one do have him go for. *g*

And yes, I know that in my own fic, Spike's accent has deepened. However, that's due to renewed exposure to London accents and 'street-talk'. Okay? *g*

B - a hard consonant, so thus emphasised. e.g. *B*loody 'ell.
C - mostly a hard consonant. e.g. *C*oroner's, a*C*tion.
D - a hard consonant. e.g. I *D*on't think so.
F - a hard consonant. e.g. *Fuckin' *F*ried.....
G - if it's at the end of a verb, it's a silent consonant, e.g. runnin'. If it's at the beginning of a word, it's a soft consonant (so, said, but no emphasised). e.g. g*R*eat.
H - if it's at the beginning of a noun, the 'H' is a silent consonant. e.g. 'elp, 'and. If it's at the beginning of a verb, it would be a soft consonant, with the 'g' at the end being silent. e.g. helpin', hurryin'.
J - a soft consonant. e.g. joke.
K - a hard consonant. e.g. *F*u*CK*in'.
L - a soft consonant. e.g. luv, Lily.
M - sometimes hard, sometimes soft. but never silent. e.g. *M*y dear....., *W*o*M*en!
N - Hard the first time it's in a word, then soft the second time. e.g. *N*once.
P - A hard consonant. *P*rick
Q - a hard consonant. *Q*ueue.
R - a hard consonant. see above for example. *grin*
S - a hard consonant. *S*ure.
T - a hard consonant e.g. *T*inkerbell.
V - a soft consonant. e.g. luv.
W - a soft consonant. e.g. wear, wan*K*er.
X - a hard consonant. e.g. e*XC*ept.
Y - a soft consonant. e.g. yes.
Z - a soft consonant usually, but sometimes hard. e.g. *Z*e*PP*o.

TH - soft, e.g. that.
SH - soft, e.g. shoe
GH - sometimes soft, sometimes silent. e.g. though - said as tho'.
CH - sometimes soft, sometimes hard, sometimes silent. Pretty much depends on the rest of the sentence. e.g. chit, choose.

Those are the consonants. The vowels are all said, albeit more strongly that an American would say them. Also, more emphasis is given to 'o sounds than to 'a' sounds. Thus, an American accent can be described as a 'drawl' (which, in itself, is almost onomatopoeic), whereas the various 'street' London accents are more gutteral and abrasive.

Basically, if you're not sure, stick to writing more 'o' words than 'a' words, and do *not* silence every other consonant! No more than one consonant can be silenced in a word; otherwise it *really* become overkill.

NOTE: Spike's accent is a lot cleaner and 'clearer' than most 'street' accents. It's also a lot harsher. If you want to become accustomed to genuine London accents, rent "Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels". You won't understand a word, but it'll help your ear adjust to the sounds. I'd also suggest finding a film with some more 'Northern' accents on them to try and get that mix (note: "Trainspotting" *isn't* a Northern-accent type film. It's a Scottish-accent type film, which is something completely different), possibly "When Saturday Comes", or any of the "Sharpe" tv movies. Sean Bean's accent is really thick at times. After all that, you should be able to see the 'polish' on Spike's speech. He sounds like an Oxford graduate who lives in one of London's rough areas. *g* The polish and crispness is still there, but it has become sharpened with use.

Some words and phrases that Spike is likely to use that Americans may or may not have heard of. Some of the phrases referenced here were initially suggested by "Salty Dog Talk: The Nautical Origins of Everyday Expressions", by Bill Beavis and Richard G. McCloskey. In other words - London is in S-E England. That means going to and from the S-E port cities, and taking the 'sailor talk' back with you when you go up back to London. Besides which, being the capital city, this is where everyone would go to, to have a good time. So, many expressions used today (or, indeed, used 200 years ago), have nautical origins. Which the title of the book used should have suggested to you. *g*

Many thanks, also, to Soulstarsinger, whose "How To Talk Proper" section on her "Spiked and Skewered" website was merged with my own research. Most of the things here are almost over-researched, but it fascinates me, so I'm inflicting it on you. *g* Also, some of these things may already be familiar to American readers - if they are, please write in and tell me! No use using up space.

[ A ]

ALRIGHT - This is a greeting. You see someone you know in the street, you nod as you pass them, and you both say "Alright", or sometimes "Alright mate.". Simple as that.
ARSE - Bum, bottom, butt. How "ass" is really spelt ;-) ARSED (can't be) - can't be bothered. ARSING ABOUT - messing around, acting like an idiot.
ASS - Animal similar to a donkey or mule. Generally percieved as silly or stupid.
ABOVE BOARD - Means honest, fair. e.g. "It's all above board, guv'ner, I swear!" It comes from the fact that anything done 'above boards' (i.e. the deck of the ship) was open for everyone to see.


[ B ]

BIT OF ALRIGHT - Different to simply 'alright', this is in reference to someone you find attractive. "S/he was a bit of all right...."
BOX (the) - The telly. Sometimes the "goggle box". Allegedly.
BARKING - (1)Mad, insane; (2)Something a dog does; (3)Place in Essex, nr Dagenham.
BARMY - Also mad, but in a more batty aunt kind of way.
BOLLOCKS - (1)Testicles; (2)Rubbish ("that's total bollocks"); (3)Excellent ("it's the dog's bollocks!"); (4)General swear word ("Bollocks to that", "Oh bollocks" etc). BOLLOCKED (to be) - Serious telling off ("given a major bollocking")
BIRD - Girl, girlfriend. Sometimes this is OK, sometimes not. If in doubt, don't use it to her face.
BUM - (1)Bottom, Butt; (2)Mild expression of disgust ("Oh bum.")
BUTT - Fag end
BUGGER - (1)Sodomy; (2)Annoying person ("Little bugger!"); (3)General swear word ("Oh bugger", "Bugger that!", "I'm buggered if I'll...")
BLOKE - Man, very general term ("That bloke over there", "he's a good bloke")
BEEB - Is actually the BBC - British Broadcasting Corporation, or somesuch. This is what one watches when one is bored out of their skull and/or has no cable or Sky. Way back when, there was a concept called "Aunty Beeb". It's best not to ask, really....
BETWEEN THE DEVIL AND THE DEEP BLUE SEA - The 'devil' in this actually comes from the fact that sometimes a seam between two planks would have to be 'repacked' to stop it from leaking. This was the outside seam of the deck planks, nect to the scuppers - which made it simultaneously the longest and hardest seam to do. Hence, it was a 'devil' to do it. The nickname stuck - so when you were knocked over by the sea, you would slide down into the scuppers, and find yourself lodged between 'the devil and the deep blue sea'. Now it means any uncomfortable situation.
BLACK BOOKS (to be in somebody's) - As in, "I only asked for some more Wheetabix! I swear, it ain't a good thing to be in that Watcher's black books." It comes from the Admiralty Black Book, where the rules of seafaring were recorded - as were suitable punishments. Now you can use 'bad books' as well as 'black books'.
BLAZER - It's a uniform jacket, worn by children to school and by many people in the armed forces as part of their dress uniform (providing they weren't officers, in which case it's a whole other ball game). It's basically the top part of a suit - buttoned down and very simple. It comes from the middle of the 19th century, when captains would 'dress up' their crew on ceremonial occassions. The uniform would have something to do with the name usually (it's stated that the poor crew of the HMS Harlequin actually had to dress up like harlequins!), if it was at all possible. Of course, the captain of the HMS Blazer really couldn't do anything like that - what would they wear, liquid fire? So he settled for smart blue jackets - and his crew was immediately rechristened 'the blazers'. And that's how the garment got its name. *g*
A BLIND EYE - as in, "I'm gonna turn a blind eye to the Slayer's posturing around fishboy. She'll see sense soon enough." It's a reference to when Admiral Nelson (who's statute is in Trafalgar Square) was ordered by his superior officers during the Battle of Copenhagen to break off the attack. In fact, he had put up the telescope to his blind eye - and went on to victory.
BLOOD MONEY - As in, "No, Angelus. I may be a demon from hell, but accepting blood money's just not my style. Get lost, wanker." This was the money paid to crews for sinking enemy ships - they were paid for the amount of crew killed.
BY AND LARGE - As in, "By and large, she's okay, I reckon." When you sailed 'by' the wind, it was a bad day, and when you said using the 'large' or square sails, it was a good day.


[ C ]

CHEERS - (1)Said before drinking; (3)Thanks (usually "cheers, mate").
CHIT - (1) slip of paper, often a receipt or part of a receipt (torn-off bit); (2) a girl - implies small/thin and / or young ("a chit of a girl"), can also be derrogatory ("you silly chit"). It's not used a lot, but it comes up every now and again.
CHEW THE FAT - When brine was added to barrels of meat to preserve it, it hardened the fat. To eat it required a lot of chewing - so, a lot of mouth moving. It has come to mean 'to talk endlessly' or to chat. e.g. "Whatsay we grab ourselves a drink, Angelus, and chew the fat, eh? Nothing like discussing old times to put me in a homicidal mood."
COAST IS CLEAR - When a ship has safely past the coast it was safe, or 'clear'. However, the expression is thought to have come from smuggling circles. e.g. "C'mon, Slayer, quit whining and toss me the loot. The coast's as clear as it's gonna get."
COCK UP - Not a swear word, so no need to avoid it in polite conversation. It refers to when the yards are not put away neatly, but are left cock-billed or cocked-up at different angles. It's considered very 'unseamanlike' - hence, "It was a royal cock-up." i.e. something badly done.
CUT OF HIS JIB - As in, "I don't like the cut of his jib." Willow: "You're just jealous! Admit it. Admit it and get with the smoochies!" Basically, it means a bad first impression. Comes from when the cut (how high it was, etc.) of a ship's jib sail was an indication of the ship's nationality.


[ D ]

DOGSBODY - A dish served on a ship which was basically the passanger's leftovers mixed with the ship's biscuits and reheated. It now refers to the people who ate it - i.e. the lowest of the low on board or a ship, or whatever. As in, "Who, him? Ignore the wanker; he's a dogsbody."
DOLDRUMS; IN THE DOLDRUMS - Depression or stagnation. "Cheer up, Buffy. What's got you in the doldrums, then, pet?"
DIV - Idiot, in a not-far-evolved-from-a-lower-lifeform kind of way.
DECKED - Punched, usually in the head, and generally knocked down / out.
DINKY - Very small, in an endearing way.
DOSH, DOUGH - Money!
DIAMOND GEEZER - a Northern expression, having migrated down South. It means a top bloke, or similar.


[ E ]

[ F ]

FLOGGING A DEAD HORSE - The first month at sea - where the seamen would have already been given their pay and have undoubtedly spent it. So, that first month, they would, in their eyes, be working for nothing. At the end of 'dead horse' month, they make up a figure of a horse, parade it around deck, and then dump it overboard. The term came to mean the difficulty the officers had getting the crew to work during this month. As in, "I wouldn't bother asking her. Getting Anya to do anything non-whelp related is like flogging a fuckin' dead horse."
FAGS - Cigarettes.
FUNKY - Cool, groovy and hip in a 70's kind of way. This seems to be pretty different to the American definition. How confusing.


[ G ]

GRIPE - To complain perpetually. As in, "Quit gripin', Slayer, I said I'd get to it!"
GOB - (1)Mouth ("Shut yer gob"); (2)To spit; (3)Spit / phlegm.
GEEZER - Bloke, possibly someone you don't know ("I bought it off this geezer in the market")
GIT - unpleasant, irritating person, always male ("he's an old git,") as far as I know - I've never heard it applied to a woman.


[ H ]

HOWZAT - bizarre cricket term = how was that?
HACKED OFF - Very annoyed. Somewhere between brassed off and pissed off.


[ I ]

[ J ]

[ K ]

KNACKERS - (1)Testicles; (2)Where (a) old horses, and (b) old cars can be sent to die (Knacker's Yard). KNACKERED - (1)Exhausted, tired; (2)Broken.


[ L ]

LAD - (1)Young man or boy; (2)Leery, beery bloke (probably on the pull with his mates). THE LADS - group of your mates. LADDISHNESS - behaviour of group of drunk blokes on the pull.


[ M ]

MATE - A friendly word meating who would break bread together - or, more precisely, two who would share meat. As in, "You okay, mate?" Also, "Bastard of a wanker that stole my girlfriend." (IOHEFY)


[ N ]

NO ROOM TO SWING A CAT - Precisely why'd you'd want to has remained a mystery for many Brits. Here's the truth - a 'cat' is the term for the cat of nine tails - a very nasty implement with which seamen were flogged. It required considerable room if you were going to flog someone, *and* have people witness - because flogging was a punishment that got most of its effectiveness from the sheer humiliation. Used in terms like, "I ain't gonna live in yer bloody attic, luv! There ain't enough room to swing a cat in there!"
NARKED - Irritated, annoyed, but not quite pissed off yet....


[ O ]

OFFING - As in, "A very painful death for that bastard's in the offing, I can guarantee it!" When a ship was 'off in the distance' she was out of danger re: the shore's rocks, but was still in sight. It means something that is imminent or near at hand.


[ P ]

PET - An endearment. e.g. "C'mon, pet, don't take it to heart."
PUSH THE BOAT OUT - As in, "we're gonne give 'er a decent 20th birthday party - we're gonna push the bloody boat out, and I'm having no arguments, you clear?" It means to celebrate and not trouble yourself with the expense.
PANTS - (1)UNDERWEAR (not trousers); (2)Rubbish, tosh ("utter pants", "what a pile of pants"); General exclaimation of disgust ("Oh pants!"). You see how this doesn't work if you're thinking of trousers. And how silly "Oh panties!" would sound?
PISSED OFF - Very angry. ("Pissed" on it's own = drunk)
PULL - To be "on the pull" is to be out (usually with your mates) with the intention of picking someone up. If you've "pulled", then you've found someone.


[ Q ]

[ R ]

[ S ]

SHIPSHAPE and BRISTOL FASHION - From when Bristol was the major port on the English coast - it was the most organised and tidy. So the term came to mean just that.
SCUZZY, SCUMMY, SKANKY - description for those not too distantly related to belly-button gunk.
SMARMY - one of those slimy, creepy blokes ("Smarmy git").
SHITLOADS - A helluva lot. ("You're in shitloads of trouble", or (romantic comment of the year) "I love you shitloads")
SQUADDIES - Army blokes (not officers).


[ T ]

TA - Thanks ("Ta, mate"). Ta muchly - Thanks very much.
TA-TA - Goodbye. (TTFN = Ta-ta for now.)


[ U ]

[ V ]

[ W ]

[ X ]

[ Y ]

[ Z ]

[ HANDY INSULTS ]

TWAT, TWAZZOCK, PILLOCK - Idiot, prat - fairly mild
DICKHEAD, FUCKWIT - Same again, but stronger
TOSSPOT, TOSSER, WANKER - fairly strong. (1) "Angel"
ARSEHOLE, ARSEWIPE - this should be obvious
GOBSHITE - a "good old fashioned Irish" word (according to Nightbird).


[ DRUNKENESS ]

PISSED, WANKERED, SMASHED, OUT OF YOUR HEAD, OFF YOUR FACE - and several variations thereof.


Many thanks to Soul' for co-writing this with me. Please have a look at her site (banner below) - it'll knock your socks off!